Chaos Correction

Day three of medication. Is it working? Probably not yet. I’m on a half dose and start on a full dose after a week. Because…..I don’t know. I think the doctor told me but I honestly don’t remember. My visit with him was crammed full of so much stuff. Talk about medication, talk about labs, talk about why I did or didn’t need certain labs…I completely forgot to mention the migraines. Maybe I’ll remember next time.

Hmmm. I guess I didn’t mention that I chose to go back on anti-depressants. I did.

The depression and anxiety was killing me slowly. I could hardly function. I was pulling away from everyone, including Batdad and the kids, because I was just trying so hard to hold everything together. My depression is debilitating. It affects my everyday life. Some people say, “You have to let it out, you have to cry, you have to talk about it, it’s not healthy to hold it in.”

I can’t.

If I do any of those things then I lose the last bit of control over it that I have. Then I go full potato. I don’t eat, I don’t get out of bed, I don’t shower, I don’t talk to people, I don’t work. It’s not okay for me to be like that. It’s not okay for my family for me to be like that. So, I chose meds.

I also found out that the anti-anxiety meds, when taken as recommended, one to two tablets three times daily as needed for anxiety, causes me to PTFO. I mean, sleeping for 12 hours is awesome, if you’ve got time for that. I don’t know.

So this is the beginning of a new and improved, or at least more fully functional, me. Hopefully it helps my writing as well.

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